you can be bad, why cant i?

so, i am not allowed to say jokes. you are hurt, we get it. you're hurt by them, not me.

i need weed

for having too much light can blind.
in the dark is peace i try to find.
just me and myself as my thoughts get wild.
with fantasy overruling my night.


i know
this is wrong.
my heart has turned cold.
still i would put on a show.
living a lie in my whole life.
to protect the one i call "my self"
convincing myself that this is reality, this is life.


and then 'they' went on to say,
it is going to be okay.
it is okay to be not okay.

but...what do you know?

stop and stare.

maybe we all gotta stop
stop pretending or even forcing.
to convince ourselves, or anyone else.
that it is gonna be okay.

i dont want to say anything,
because i know i have nothing.
i know it doesnt make any sense,
when i send those message(s).
even though i can make you smile,
it's only for awhile.

im sure you're okay.

a note from me to you.

one by one.
but soon enough, everyone's gonna leave.
does it have to really end this way?

for all i was only trying to do
was to make them happy
but hurt got its way in.

i was weak, i was naive.
never did it cross my mind
it would be this bad, fast

as mistakes repeat itself,
i dont blame anyone but myself.
but i really am sorry
for all the promises that came empty.

im really sorry, friend.

i've always been crappy. saying crappy things to you. im sorry about that.
i havent been a good friend to you. im sorry about that.

truth is, im afraid to be your friend. cause im  always gonna want more.
but i thought i'd rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.

and im sorry about that. about me being me. maybe i've been too much.

maybe it's just best to leave it as it is.

depressed psycho shadow

you made such a beautiful lie.
thinking that people wont mind.
have you ever wondered why?
that you would always cry?

dont you blame it,
thinking that you dont deserve this.
keep on sighing,
keep on believing,
that you are always the victim.

go on and run
hide where ever you wana hide
but it wont be such a surprise
if one day i find you way up high.
getting ready to fly.

me

 i dont like love at first sight.
cause im just afraid in the end it will bite.
no matter how much you say you love,
i dont think it will last long

cause you dont see me when im me
everyday i dress up like a kid.
going around jumping like a monkey
saying things so immaturely
ohh..believe when i said that is so me.

mirror, mirror hanging on the wall.

 right now, i'm empty, lost and numb.
i used to have a clear fresh sparkle radiating within, showing through my laugh and my eyes,
I never had a problem looking in the mirror, I knew who I was, I didnt question myself.

lately now, after that fateful date, and after repeated blows,
 i'm finding a confusing, distant reflection in the mirror;
it's dull, my eyes dont seem to speak any more,
as though my soul is drying up.
where have i gone, where am i going?
i can feel i'm gradually losing the essence that makes me me.

it's strange and it hurts, to become aware of your own fading soul reflected through your eyes each time you look in the mirror.

- schapelle corby, my story.

leaving that trace...

once upon a time,
when i hoped for you to be mine.
everything was going fine,
when i didnt realise i was on a thin line.
and there you went...leaving me behind


it hurts, hell yeah it did.
but hey, i was just an emo kid
every little thing i saw was only shit.
and there i go... "forget it"
cause i know i have to leave it.


i was a bitch
i was a kid
never in my mind did it cross,
all along im stuck in this box.
where fantasy had overruled,
where reality slapped me fool.

hopes

always wanted to call you mine,
but a little concern if you would mind.
questions after questions linger in my mind,
but i'm always a little too shy.
you are too good to be mine,
i'm such a fool for you to fly(away).

hope it won't be a goodbye,
but instead always be with a smile.
'i hate you' would be a lie,
'i love you' would be our favourite line.